The Ramblings Of John Campea

Life Beyond The Movies

Worst Birthday Ever

Well, we all have one… so now I do too. I officially had my worst birthday ever yesterday. I didn’t sleep well the night before, still had to get up early to work, ended up working all day and into the evening… didn’t go out anywhere… no one came over… I didn’t do anything except stay home, watch a little tv and play some warcraft. Wheeeeeeee.

To be fair, I knew yesterday was going to be like that far in advance. As most of you know, I’m kind of hanging my hat down here in Los Angeles right now. I’ve only been here for less than 2 very busy months, and I really don’t know that many people here yet and the ones I do know I didn’t really tell about my birthday. Most of my friends and family are back home in Hamilton/Toronto and we’ve been so busy with work that I haven’t really noticed that I’m getting a bit homesick. Well… yesterday I noticed.

So as far as birthdays go, yesterday sucked… however… it was to be expected given the current circumstances. Next year I’ll have to have one hell of a party to make up for it. 😛

February 27, 2008 Posted by | Life | Leave a comment

People Close To You Have The Most Power To Damage You

I don’t let much bother me. When you do what I do for a living (giving opinions publicly) you can’t allow to let what other people think effect you too much or you’ll go mad. That’s fine, since I’ve never really cared much about what other people thought of me, my opinions or my decisions. I’ve always been very confident in myself, my abilities and my decisions.

I’m also a very social person. I like being in groups of people. That same confidence I’ve had in every other area of my life was also a part of my social interaction. I’ve always been a confident person around other people, comfortable being myself and engaging people naturally without ever being nervous, shy or inhibited too much. If people liked me, great… if the odd person didn’t, I didn’t really worry about it. That was me my whole life, and I loved it that way.

But then something happened. I got into a very destructive relationship for a few years. It’s funny, nothing anyone ever thought could phase me… but when you have someone very close to you, their opinions have a lot of power over you wether you like it or not. In this relationship I spent years having my self confidence shattered, my self esteem decimated and my ability to interact with people naturally and easily totally neutered. In this relationship I was constantly told everything I did or said (socially) was wrong or embarrassing. This person had terrible power over me (those close to us often do), and although I choose to believe they never intended to cause harm or intentionally hurt me (we were basically 2 good people who were horrible for each other), the damage was done nonetheless. When I got free from that relationship, I naively thought everything would then get back to normal… but even now, YEARS later, I’m still discovering how much damage was done.

Last night, me and my roommate hosted a party. There were some friends there, and a couple of people I didn’t really know, or know that well. Everyone was having a good time. I was quite busy (it was an Oscar party, and I had some work to do throughout the evening, so I was pretty distracted), but when the Oscars were done, it was decided that the party would be taken to a local bar just a short walk from where I live. So off we all went…

Now you have to understand, a few years ago this was TOTALLY my element. A social gathering with a bunch of people. I was always so comfortable, so confident and so natural in those situations. I would be in my element. But when we got to the bar I suddenly felt uncomfortable, uneasy, shy, afraid to talk to people out of fear that I would say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing and just end up looking stupid. I wanted to engage people there, I wanted to be myself… but I was just paralyzed. I felt so uncomfortable that I eventually just left early and walked home.

When I got home I realized that I am not the same person I was a few years ago, and that the damage done to me in that relationship was deeper and more extensive than I’ve wanted to recognize… and I HATE IT. It’s killing me. Not quite sure where I go from here… perhaps recognizing the issue will help me get over it… maybe it will take more than that. Not sure. What I do know is that it’s ruining a lot of potential positive times while I’m here in Los Angeles… and that’s got to stop.

February 25, 2008 Posted by | Life | Leave a comment

Los Angeles Obeservation #3 – Booze

First thing you should understand about me is that I’m not much of a drinker. No, it’s not for religious or health reasons, but rather because I just don’t like the taste of much alcohol and because I don’t get any sort of buzz from drinking it. Having said that, even I from time to time will enjoy a vodak cooler or something else along those lines.

Now, in Canada if you want to get your hands on some booze, you’ve got to find yourself a government owned and operated shop called (in Ontario) an LCBO. You’ll find them around if you look hard enough. So imagine my surprise when I came down here and saw that booze is EVERYWHERE! It’s even in the grocery store. I’m not kidding… right across the street from where I’m living is a giant “Ralphs” grochery store… and at least 3 full aisles are all booze. And it’s CHEAP! I’d say at least 15-20% cheaper than in Canada. Beer is like half the price.

Every grocery store, every corner store, every Popsicle stand in the city also sells alcohol. It takes a little getting used to.

February 12, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Sleepless In Los Angeles

Despite all the fun I’m having here in LA, and all the beautiful weather (especially when compared to what they’re getting back in Hamilton Ontario right now), one of the unfortunate negatives of my time here so far is lack of sleep. I’d like to tell you that lack of sleep comes from the all night Hollywood parties I’m attending each and every night… but no. I just can’t sleep.

For some reason I’m only getting like 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I’m having trouble getting to sleep (it’s just past 4am here now), and then for whatever reason, I’m still waking up at 8am each morning whether I want to or not.

It’s really starting to take its toll on me too. Not only do I notice that I have a lot less energy… I’m also a little more irritable and I’m having a hard time focusing. On top of that, you can REALLY see it in my face. I took a picture of myself today and when I looked at it I was shocked by how totally sickly and exhausted I looked in it. I really need to start getting some sleep.

I’m actually thinking of starting to jog again. I haven’t jogged in years, and quite frankly I hate it, but a number of articles I’ve read suggest jogging in the day can really help you sleep at night, and at this point I’m willing to try just about anything.

February 8, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

LA Observations #2 – No One Walks

My second observation that I’ve made about life here in LA is that NO ONE WALKS ANYWHERE! I swear, if anything is more than a 3 minute walk away… they drive. I’m not kidding. Here’s a good example:

The other day I’m talking on the phone to a woman I know here in LA. She was asking me how I was enjoying my new place and I told her that I love it and that one of the best things about it is that it’s just a 40 minute walk from “The Grove” (A fantastic outdoor shopping centre here in LA). She burst out laughing at me. “Are you serious?” she asked. She then proceeded to tell me how cute that sounded.

But it’s not just her. Talk to anyone about walking anywhere that’s more than a few steps away and they look at you like you’re a freak.

February 1, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment